Parshas Toldos 5786

We have been living in an Eisav world over 2000 years.  Rome intended to unite its empire ideology through one religion, forced upon its conquered nations, or die.  Over time and societies, the methods of spreading the ideology has become more veneer civilized and refined,. The last method Eisav tries, when he came to kill Yakov Avinu with 400 men, is through apparent kindness, and surface friendliness, because it suited the moment.

     What is the ideology?  Might makes right, and whoever is damaged, I will believe in my savior, just in case, and all will be well. According to this ideology, the tailor, who is a Yorei Shamayim and returned thread longer than the required length, measured, when killed by a German Nazi officer, the nazi believes he was right, because before he dies, he will believe in his savior, no consequences will befall him. He thinks he is in the right. Take what you want, by force theft, and up to theft of soul, even full communities. No evil actions has meaning, there is no good and bad, its relative to how I feel despite my grasping into the other person and taking what he has. The evil can be justified by the “Other” not us. “They were parasites” , “they didn’t give my friend the surgery he required”, They stood in the way of my “progress”, whatever I believed would get me what I wanted.   I just dress it up in holy meaning, or forward moving, or compassionate action despite that the person it is done to, does not will it.  because it is actually the religion of the service to the self.  You buy the presents to put under the tree, and then take it for yourself, your family and your friends. I am reminded of a story written about a surgeon in China , during the cultural revolution. First he saw them coming for his rich friends, so he got rid of any extra item he had. Then they made him be a janitor. He decided he would be the best they had, because it is only fair to be equal to all, and he still believed them, It was only when they cracked his fingers, so he would never help anyone again, that he realized it could not be justified, it was evil, for evils sake. The jealousy of wanting what you don’t have, can be turned to good by making you work hard to get the same yourself. Or turned to hatred, and grabbed but wasted, destroyed, completely denied consciousness, so you don’t have to see it, no introspection, it is no longer a problem in your perfect safe, no one bothers me, making me expect more of myself, cessation of growth, living dead life.  I align myself with a group who forces the same, and no conscience needed. 

     Recent occasions occurred to see this in living breathing detail. First we were in a life and death health crisis, the person ended up intubated, in a Jewish hospital, they fought like lions to save his life. After, the care was dependent on the individual nurses and aides. Some came whenever requested, others we saw once with meds only and growled their displeasure at being disturbed.  One offered tubes for 2 loose bowel movement, A tube to be placed only in critical care with a stage 4 decubitus where the risk, justifies the danger of the means. I had experience with this causing the bowel to die and end up with a colostomy. I yelled loudly at that one and couldn’t wait to leave.  Due to the fragility, 2 days later we occasioned a second stay, a new hospital. The service was professional, A zero fall policy meant answered call bells within 3-4 minutes. Any request was met with immediate agreement or education and necessary action.   Yet, on intake an odd thing occurred. When asking for address and insurance, I was asked if  there were advanced directives. In my understanding that was usually reserved for a conversation with a Dr. When I asked what was meant. I was told if want to save him by cracking his ribs in cpr, an putting a painful tube in his throat to save him, then no, there were no advanced directives, but if no measures were to be used, and let people die, then yes there were advanced directives. I regarded this healing? Professional, and stated that isn’t like asking f you want pudding or not. It requires an in depth conversation. Our stay started dragging. I started to see more and more we needed to leave. Then came the next.  A new roommate, a 95 year old gentleman, a little hard of hearing, vision issues, but responsive and sweet, being cared for by a grandson. His daughter came in stating, I am a doctor, I want him in hospice. Hospice used to be where the life expectancy is less that 6 mo and only confort treatment is given. So if a UTI develops, no antibiotic is recommended, unless they are in pain, in which case more and more pain meds are offered freely.   If unable to eat sufficiently, a feeding tube is not placed, There are times where these measures are needed, critical times, however, due to more compassionate care more and more people fall into this category of needing others to impose their ?compassion. The Jewish orthodox Social worker paused and stated we do have some other options, we can get him aid 4 hours, 4 x a day, Physical therapy and OT, if you could see how he manages with this, you can always make the next hospice decision a little later.

One is reminded of Hagar and Yishmael, the sicker he got, the farther away she moved so she would not be traumatized by his dying. Hashem heard his prayers, when the last who loved him, abandoned him. This is what hate is. Concern, more for the way it makes me feel, versus the real crisis of the other. Love means rising above my immediate yuck feeling, the being imposed upon and having to change my life around to make space with you, and being there in any way I can to support us, even if there is nothing to be done, but to not let you carry it alone.

Yakov dwells in tents, he wants to know how to live as a Jew, what does it mean to become a living sefer torah. Where all your actions become G-dly because your whole life you are preparing yourself and becoming. Yes with mistakes a long the way. But eventually getting better and better at it.  and Eisav becomes a hunter, with his mouth. Making others believe him, and then betray them in the worst way. Grabbing what he wants, in the moment. Pour this red food down my throat, I am near death from the 3 cardinal sins  I violated today, Yaakov realizes the spiritual mantel of bringin G-d into this world can not rest with such a person, and he buy the spiritual  obligations and responsibilities. When Eisav eats, he becomes satisfied, he gets up and he leaves, no second thoughts no change of heart once better. He was mevaze the bechor. It held no meaning as he had just figured out he could do self service, grab and steal all he desired, as he wanted, in the moment. To him, because he decided to close his eyes, Hashem didn’t exist in his world. 

A conversation.  A galus mentality, If the person would just die, this would all just go away. The difficulties, the running scheduling disagreements and arguments the imposition on us for years, let it end. A yid, a child of Yakov Avinu understands it is completely the opposite. This crisis, is the chance for all the unsaid underlying conflicts come bubbling to the surface. And as we try t negotiate them as best we can, we can make room for the other, this effort, focusing on the persons health is what can pull together, if the work is done, or pull apart. The truth is, if it pulls apart and the persons needs ignored. If the corrections didn’t happen this way, they will come shortly after, in a much more difficult , closer, personal way.  The crisis is the opportunity to correct oneself, if introspection is allowed in.

Another example, Hashem comes to visit Avraham Avinu when healing after the Bris, teaching about visiting the sick. Rabbi Akiva left the bais medrash to sweep the floor for an ill Talmud, teaching each visit takes away 1/60^th of the illness. And when visits are refused, because I may not say the right thing, or they (meaning I) will be uncomfortable. One can learn how to go about visits. It used to be a basic part of a Jewish upbringings, but this too is not practiced by many due to insecurities feeling, other obligations etc, even though you know it may save a life.  When asked, one side  called us   Litvish, because we just go by the rules and don’t take the Chassidic heart into consideration, Yes, the rule is if you are in the same town, Kibud av vaim obligates a daily visit or at least call.  And when a parent is ill, what wouldn’t you do to save them. When  asked on the litvish side, called too chassidish for how can you leave the Bais Medrash as that’s what needed to save, despite Rabbi Akiva whose became a living sefer tora, leaving to do just this.   

How do we even start, to turn this around, how do we remove the soot that covers us. Mi Kanchu Yisrael, the dozens of family members individuals doctors nurses neighbors shul and community who made us a part of theirs, as they overcame the obstacles the Satan puts in the way to go above and beyond our immediate reflex thoughts and action. Allowing our Tora  the wisdom Hashem himself imparted upon us to flow. through us as we refound, revisit and rejoin with who we are meant to be.