Parshas Vayeitzei 5786

Hatachas Elokim Anochi?

Am I in the place of G-d? Yaakov Avinu replies to Rachels pain with anger.  He is faulted for this response, because it goes against what each partner in a relationship is able  to do.  The holiness and bond of marriage is based on the power of the male and female combining, to create something exponentially greater than its parts. When a wife believes in her husband, she creates for him (through her hope) the space for him to grow as big as she can envision. This in turn allows him to go forth and create. 

Yaakov rejects her vision of him (“give me children and if not I am dead”) and misses this point. He states,” this is impossible I cannot do it”, He as a male represents truth, which is current reality. However, because he combines with the power of female who is faith, ,the leap to be more should have been possible. However because of his rejection of her belief in him he is criticized.

The galus and geulah as well follows this pattern.  Hashem puts Adam to sleep, which is a reference of galus , he then forms Chava and beautifies her.  She holds that space until Adam can “wake up” and create. We see this in the galus of Mitrayim as well. Pharoah demanded that all boys be thrown into the river.  No males allowed. The pain is unbearable, and Amram the gadol hador decides to divorce his wife, all the  yidden follow his example.  Miriam, his  4 or 5 year old daughter tells him, there is no geulah with this step. As painful as Pharoah’s decree is, your response gives no future.  He sees the HOPE of her words remarries his wife and Moshe Rabbeinu is born, through whom , the geulah comes.

Today We live in a female empowered world which works through the social. A woman understands herself by speaking it out with others, while a man grasps himself through HIS knowledge of the TRUTH. unfortunately   Todays man is expected to speak it out as a woman would and is remiss if he isn’t “social”. He will be called “slightly aspergersy” or  ‘’anti-social’’, if he refuses to join the group completely, and takes deliberate self-steps ,or deliberate missteps that speak to the truth. if he is a Man of strength, he will be condemned as a bully because he did not take his STRENGTH from the social, Whether or not he speaks truth, whether or not he is saying it because he cares for you, whether he is firm in his understanding or confident in his skill. If it is based on kindness or love of an envisioned future, he will be  spurned. So he must keep silent.

      Can the Jewish woman, who was designed by God to fight this draught of sleep, by envisioning his  future (or creating a “space” for growth) do this if she is the partner who works, and takes care of the kids and “does it all”. Can she create the space with the intention of belief in his ability to grow, if she says she can go it alone, turning on him and spurning him?

Can A man stand up in HIS TRUTHS and do the things he needs to it but isn’t” allowed” by social norms because he must take his strength from the group?  Or will he say good-bye to truth, strength and honor because these things are not held in high esteem in a group-based society? will he say good-bye to his wife and kids because they will pull him away from his socially- enforced Torah learning?  Because it is somehow more acceptable in our world to be divorced than leave Kollel?

The choice is ours.

 As heard from and discussed with Harav Ephraim Goldstein and my son Rabbi David Goldstein. The mistakes and misquotes are mine.